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I'd tried getting with girls but something always felt empty about it, like I was just going through the motions.But every time I slept with someone I couldn't help but imagine what it was like to be on the bottom, or on my knees sucking cock. And every time I watched porn I found myself imagining myself in the place of the girl, focusing on nothing but cock. I tried to change it, but nothing worked. It was just how I was.I'd always heard rumours that Conor was gay, but I never really believed them. That, or I just put them to one side, secretly knowing what I wanted to happen. It was strange to people that we were friends at all. We were from the same estate but I was shy and kept to myself, while he was a loud, social guy.He was stocky and well over six foot, while I was lithe and shorter than most people I knew. To be honest, we didn't have anything in common, other than that we both smoked. It was strange to me that we were friends as well. Until one night, when I found out what. This wasn't the sort of thing she could tell her children if shewanted to retain any sense of authority over them, but she was no longerfooling herself: she'd lost that even before she came home from thatwedding.She waited until they were somewhat down the path that she had walkedwith Leslie's parents, under the trees, to say what she wanted. "When Iwas... oh, God. I almost said the words 'when I was your age'." Herchildren didn't even know why that would be funny. She had never reallydone the thing of talking about her own childhood, not just because shedidn't want to inflict that on them but because she had grown up in ahouse with two loving parents and they had not. On the other hand, itmeant that when she did start talking about the past, they actuallylistened. "I was awful as a teenager," she said. "Both of you would havehated me, I'm sure. It was all peer pressure and designer clothes andhorrible social games." She thought back to the movie Mean Girls, whichshe had seen in the.
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